Monday, March 8, 2010

Marcus for President 2012 – Autobahn, Trains & Road Warrior Act

First, through funds I confiscate from ExxonMobil and Halliburton for the people, we shall build an autobahn network for only cars across the U.S. The only stipulation is cars can only go above 80mph if they operate on something other than fossil fuels. No trucks allowed at all as too dangerous at high rates of speed. Also, no stupid people allowed. Stupid people in this case would be those persons who don’t know how to get into the right lane after overtaking another car or a faster car comes up behind them.

This is where the road warrior act comes in. After high beaming or honking at said idiot, you will be allowed to take more ‘decisive actions’ such as ramming, flame throwers, harpoon gun etc.  Alongside the autobahn network we will put in high speed rail as the rail system in this country has been a joke compared to the rest of the world for long enough because uncompetitive and nasty rails system keeps people on clogged orads to help further fund the Bush family’s friends in Texas / the Middle East.

Last but not least, commercial trucks using highways and other roads from now on will face steep fines for speeding starting at $1,000 a pop. I don’t blame the existing and needless reckless public endangerment on the truckers. The industry has lobbied congress for years and truckers get paid by the load hence incenting them to take risks and drive at dangerous speeds, so this will come to an end as well and we'll change the incentives to be geared towards safety.

One other area we are going to join the rest of the civilized world is speed cameras in places where public safety is paramount such as neighborhoods where children play, dense cities like New York City etc. etc. The police should be focused on doing other things than writing tickets to drive city and state revenues. I also look forward to the cameras giving steep tickets to the assholes who like to block traffic flow sitting in the middle of an intersection after the light is red.

All of this will again be accomplished by imperial, oops, again I mean executive order / decree. Hopefully by this stage congress will be a coliseum and we will be entertained by gladiator matches of former congressmen fighting lobbyists, bankers and other corrupt officials.

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