Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Marcus for President 2012 - Scab and Booger Consumption Reduction Act

I recently met someone who I think may be a real life scab eater…have you ever just looked at someone and felt like you could see through them and into their dark secrets? Well, I have and on this occasion I can tell a scab picker-eater when I see one.  Funny thing is, I don't think most people who suspect this woman as a scab eater as she is very attractive, but I know one when I see one...

I had a girlfriend back in my NYC days who when I probed why she left her last boyfriend who was one of the highest profile investment bankers in Europe…truth be told she caught him eating a large booger he had picked from his nose when he thought she was sleeping. Bankers don’t just steal all your money, they eat boogers too!

I’ve been contemplating what to do about these unhygienic and heinous acts and have concluded it we must register scab and booger eaters as you could be on the wrong side of kissing one of these people without being warned of the remnants that may be in their mouth! I don’t think we should totally ostracize these people so I will endorse 12 step programs for scab and booger eaters to get help.

Vote for me in 2012 and I promise to defend you against such perpetrators of ill hygiene and in the meantime keep your scabs to yourself.

If you're interested in learning more about scab eaters, the Urban Dictionary definition is: Somewhat self-explanatory; a scab eater is someone who regularly consumes dried blood that has collected in a recent wound on their person.
Confessions of a Neurotic Mind

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